There is no perfect guide or flawless training that prepares you to be a manager: making tough decisions, handling constant pressure, or facing frustration.
You lead people. People with emotions, fears, expectations, and contexts… and often, on the other side of a screen. Every decision impacts not only the business but also people that won’t always understand — or share — your reasons.
It’s a journey of continuous learning. And when you add the speed at which technology advances and the challenges of engineering, the challenge is relentless.
In nearly 7 years of leading teams, I’ve made many mistakes. But there are three that particularly marked me: they hurt, drained me… and ultimately, made me better.
I’m sharing them here, hoping they help you avoid stumbling over them yourself.
1. Protecting the team too much, and blocking their growth
In my early years as a manager, I made this mistake without realizing it.
I led a team that I shielded them from everything. I shielded them from external pressure, and even from internal pressure, taking everything on myself.
My mindset, influenced by my time as a footballer playing right-back, was to cover my teammate in front of me and the one on my left. Covering their mistakes, covering up any mismatches. I transferred that instinct into leadership: “If I clear the way and protect them from distractions, they’ll be focused, happy, and trust me 200%.”
And, the results came. The team was happy. So, what was the problem?
There were several, and they were serious:
- I blocked their development and I was a bottleneck.
- I was overwhelmed, doing tasks I didn’t enjoy just to avoid others having to do them. I delegated around… 0%.
- I created a huge dependency. When you go on vacation and things don’t work out, you’re doing something wrong.
Lesson learned: Leadership is not about protecting; it’s about shaping.
True leadership is not doing the work for them, but giving them the tools, autonomy, and confidence to face challenges on their own. If you don’t shape new leaders, you’re just creating insecure followers.
2. Not giving feedback properly when communicating a difficult decision
On several occasions, I had to make difficult decisions related to the team. One of the hardest was when I had to tell two people they could no longer continue on the team. But although the decision was necessary, I don’t think I handled the situation in the best way.
I assumed that, due to their maturity, they had already picked up on the signals that they weren’t meeting expectations. But what I really did was avoid having difficult conversations. I made my decision, and carried it with me for a while, but I didn’t know how to communicate it properly. And, of course, it wasn’t received as a fair decision.
Lesson learned: Expectations and feedback should be clear from the start, throughout the work, and until the end of the project. It’s essential to be transparent, provide space for feedback in 1:1s, or even at the moment a difficult situation arises. Don’t let the problem become bigger.
But the most important thing is to make sure the other person understands the reasons behind these decisions. Even with all of this, there will be disagreements, but what truly matters is respect and anticipation to minimize the negative impact.
Additionally, over time, I’ve learned that when you postpone making a difficult decision, the person you’re not doing a favor to is the one involved. Sometimes, they need to step out of their comfort zone, and it’s our responsibility to help them do so.
Be impeccable with your words. Don’t make assumptions.
3. I tried to be everywhere, and ended up exhausted. Lack of boundaries
In my early years as a manager, I made the mistake of thinking I had to be in every meeting, supervising all projects, and making decisions in every situation. My goal was to help, but in the end, what I achieved was burning myself out and neglecting what was really important. My focus got diluted in constant multitasking, convinced that my presence was indispensable.
I wasn’t burned out but I could be. My ability to make strategic decisions was affected. I was working at an extremely high pace for several months, until it started taking a physical toll on me: poor rest, lack of concentration, accumulated stress…
Lesson learned: Believing you know how to prioritize isn’t always enough. Most of the problems I see today in other managers stem from not knowing how to prioritize correctly. Invest time in learning how to do it, and also in delegating and saying NO when necessary, always with respect and clarity. If you don’t, you’re affecting your own efficiency. It’s better to have 2 clear priorities and achieve them 100% than to have 10 where you never make progress. Personally, I’m still fighting this.
Final Reflection
Leadership is a skill that improves over time; it’s not trivial. Along the way, you’ll constantly encounter problems and difficult situations. I love what I do, even knowing that I have to make difficult decisions. I’m passionate about human behavior, how we reason, even though sometimes it’s disappointing, because that’s where growth is.
I’ve accepted something important: I will continue to make mistakes. Many. But I try not to repeat these three that marked me, in order to become the best manager and person possible.
I firmly believe that vulnerability, empathy, and humility—both as a person and as a leader—are fundamental to contributing and positively impacting others. This is what will make us all grow.