Even though we may already be managers, we still need mentorship, seeking advice on managing our expectations, frustrations, and finding solutions to specific situations with our teams. Throughout our professional careers, we acquire more tools to handle situations independently (as is expected), but, in my opinion, leaning on your manager or mentor is always a great option to gain a different perspective on something. What I can say is that dealing with your manager is a relationship that always can be improved.
Drawing from my knowledge, personal experiences, and interactions with mentees, friends, and direct reports, I would like to share various real-life situations and how I would approach them.
Dear manager, this is your moment, but remember, I am already a leader.
Workload
A position with responsibilities is not usually strictly defined, which could create a gap of uncertainty. If you are in a mid-level role, this can be even more challenging because you will be ‘dancing’ between being a manager and a team member, giving rise to questions such as:
- Is this task within my responsibilities?
- Can I delegate it?
- Should my manager be responsible for this?
- Who will guide me in my professional growth?
- I have no pending tasks, what can I do?
The responsibility of your position will be as extensive as you make it. This means that it is ultimately your choice. The more responsibilities you proactively take on, the more you are easing the workload for your manager, which can be highly beneficial when everything is going well. Two real examples that I have encountered are explained below.
1. You may expect your manager to have the team’s work organized
Of course, this depends on the manager’s level and role, but we are discussing someone in charge and a developer expecting this from their manager.
First, I don’t recommend waiting for it. There is always work in a team, and if we are talking about mid or senior-level individuals, they should be autonomous enough to improve their systems, for example.
Secondly, speaking from the manager’s perspective, what I would recommend is to be a guide for your direct reports. Provide guidance on what could be done for the team, offer ideas, and provide training if necessary, but don’t accept excuses. I’ll repeat it, there are always pending tasks to be done.
2. I’ve cross-trained on dependencies but lack the global vision, and I need my manager
You have two options:
- I will scale this up to my manager and just wait (I don’t recommend it).
- I will notify my manager, but I’m going for it. This is especially crucial in a mid-management role because it means you have a team relying on your help. I’ve experienced this, and what I can say is that I felt frustrated several times as I waited for my managers. However, I also decided not to wait and tried to gain that overall vision to unblock the situation. Some ideas include reaching out to stakeholders, preparing a list of questions and scheduling meetings with them, creating a shared tracker document, and requesting deadlines.
Frustrated with my manager
As humans, we sometimes struggle to navigate expectations, and there’s a tendency to attribute our discomfort to others. In some of my challenging moments, I realize that I might not have had the capacity to manage expectations, and this affects both managers and team members. It’s understandable; we aren’t always taught about handling emotions or navigating various day-to-day situations. So, all I can do is share my experiences and say: Be consistently assertive even during difficult times.
Let’s discuss some scenarios below that you may likely encounter or have already experienced.
Case 1. Waiting for a meeting with my manager
Various situations can lead to these feelings. You sense something is wrong, and you want to discuss it with your manager. Thoughts like ‘I have no idea how this is going to affect me,’ or ‘Maybe my manager doesn’t care about this,’ may cross your mind. You might have already informed your manager, waiting for them to set a meeting, or you may have a meeting scheduled, but it’s too many days away, causing unnecessary stress.
Please, DON’T WAIT. Communicate. Waiting is an unnecessary pain. Take the initiative to schedule a meeting with your manager. An example I experienced was a misunderstanding between teammates, leading to uncomfortable situations among them.
Your manager also deserves to know:
- Your feelings at this moment:
- Share your emotions openly and honestly.
- Identify the situation that caused these feelings:
- Clearly articulate the specific circumstances or events.
- Provide real examples to help your manager understand better:
- Offer concrete instances or instances to illustrate your concerns.
- Ask your manager for advice and actionable steps:
- Seek guidance on how to navigate the situation and request actionable steps.
- Maintain ongoing communication with your manager:
- Keep the dialogue open and continue to follow up on the agreed-upon actions to ensure the problem is addressed and resolved.
Case 2. Disagree with my manager
I understand that having a different opinion than your manager is perfectly fine. It’s normal, as we are individuals, and, akin to any relationship, agreement on everything is not always possible. However, it’s essential to discuss these differences like adults, especially since we are often navigating stressful situations and making decisions that carry significant implications, sometimes involving substantial financial aspects. Obtaining a comprehensive perspective is crucial for understanding.
For such situations, I highly recommend the following:
- Express how the situation made you feel in private, providing examples
- Present your point of view
- Collaborate to find common ground and prevent similar issues in the future
If you avoid addressing these points, you might find yourself growing increasingly uncomfortable with your manager’s decisions, potentially leading to a more individualistic approach within the company. This may not be beneficial in the long term and could potentially harm your professional image.
Case 3. I hope my manager makes a decision
I’ve sadly heard about situations where team members express their concerns to their managers, and despite receiving assurances, nothing changes. While managers may not need to know everything, I believe it’s our responsibility to seek the answers our team members need to progress.
I’ve faced various challenges, such as teammates experiencing blockers due to delayed code reviews or others solely focused on their individual tasks. These issues not only affect the speed of delivery but also contribute to team frustration. In my role, the team looked to me to address these challenges and make informed decisions. To do so effectively, it’s crucial to have a comprehensive understanding of the team’s activities, deadlines, pace, and other relevant factors.
If you’ve discussed a matter with your manager and observed no changes, here’s what I recommend:
Case 4. I missed interest on my manager for my career path
At times, you may find yourself needing to go against the cultural grain to establish your own boundaries and pursue personal goals. It’s essential to set your own objectives and commit to making them a reality. However, if your manager isn’t supportive, seeking help elsewhere becomes crucial.
In my experience, I took the initiative by reaching out to online communities with professionals in similar roles, exploring relevant books or training materials for personal growth, and engaging in discussions with other managers, both at my level and higher, within the company for advice and mentoring. Don’t hesitate; there are many individuals willing to offer assistance.
With these insights, you can define your own goals and career path or create a proposal to discuss with your manager. Remember, this is about your growth and knowledge, and the experiences you gain will stay with you regardless of the company you work for.
Case 5. Should my manager ‘protect’ me?
The interpretation of ‘protect your team’ varies based on individual perspectives. In my view, shielding your team involves keeping them free from unnecessary distractions. The key to achieving this is setting clear goals and periodically reminding the team to maintain focus.
As a manager, part of being a shield is preventing unnecessary drama, such as interpersonal incidents between different teams. While this may seem straightforward my manager shielded me and where I, as a manager, shielded my teams. Occasionally, I made mistakes, perhaps in stressful moments, but the only likely outcome is increased concern for either you or your teams.
On the flip side, during company layoffs or when a critical task needs completion, it’s vital to provide your team with proper context to keep them informed. It’s unrealistic to expect your manager to be an ‘everything-shield,’ as there are instances where transparency and context are necessary for a well-informed and prepared team.
Case 6. My manager engages in micromanagement
In a previous company, I witnessed a manager consistently monitoring team members, even going to the extent of remotely connecting to their computers while everyone was working in the office. In my view, if a manager is resorting to such measures but still struggles to gauge the team’s speed and results, there might be more significant issues at play.
Another example is the declaration that ‘every task is urgent,’ a micromanagement approach that I experienced. This places unnecessary pressure on the team and doesn’t contribute positively to achieving tasks.
Lastly, I’ve encountered situations where managers demand continuous and meticulous reporting. This approach seems counterproductive as it interrupts workflow, provides a false sense of control, and erodes the confidence of the team.
Responsible for your growth
We tend to think that our manager should have a crystal-clear career path laid out for us, but we are the best person to influence our careers. In my opinion, having dynamically defined goals is a great tool for measuring our growth, and the definition of our goals should be a collaborative effort with our manager. However, we are ultimately responsible for this and there are self-improvement strategies that you can follow as shown in the following diagram.
Don’t anticipate an immediate ‘YES’ from your manager. The objective is to reach an agreement, but it’s crucial to understand the circumstances and be patient for the right timing.
For me, continuous growth is a source of fulfillment. Growth doesn’t solely translate to promotions or salary increases, although these are important factors. It’s more about how I can perceive personal and professional development within my current role.
Conclusions
You possess the power to make decisions; your manager or leader is also a person. Don’t hesitate to initiate discussions and use the available tools for constructive feedback. Remember, feedback is a gift. If expressing your opinion respectfully puts you in trouble, perhaps it’s worth reflecting on whether you’re in the right place.
I encourage you not to immediately consider leaving the company as your first option. This recommendation is for your benefit because, in my opinion, adopting such a mentality may prevent you from finding long-term satisfaction anywhere.
GO for it 🙂